Saturday October 8th 2011
"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."
Steve Jobs, 1955 - 2011
If we are true to ourselves and have the inner confidence to listen to our instincts, we all have the capacity to move forward, to grow and to achieve happiness. It isn't about ambition, as I see it. It's about integrity, honesty and congruence. It's all part of valuing yourself, and knowing that you are important, and you matter.
"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?" Albert Camus
Wednesday October 12th 2011
“What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly" - Carl Rogers
We so often use the world around us to judge ourselves harshly, and this can often be a self-destructive process. If we can openly be ourselves, we can be so much happier than if we put ourselves down and feel that we aren't good enough. Whose standards are we using? Are they the standards of acceptability drummed into us by parents and other family members? How many of us, looking honestly into ourselves, can become aware that we are people pleasers? If we can stop trying to please others for approval, we reach greater acceptance of ourselves and who we are.
Thursday October 13th 2011“Man's ideal state is realized when he has fulfilled the purpose for which he is born. And what is it that reason demands of him? Something very easy—that he live in accordance with his own nature.”
An interesting thought, but often working towards this is a struggle for us, and involves many years of reflection, self doubt, and a journey towards greater awareness of self.
Friday October 14th 2011THOUGHT FOR TODAY
“I choose to live by choice not by chance;
to make changes not excuses;
to be motivated not manipulated;
to be useful not used;
to excel not compete.
I choose self-esteem not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice not the random opinion of others.”
We can choose to tell ourselves positive things, to believe in ourselves and to move forward with our lives.
Thursday November 3rd 2011“Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will.”
John D MacDonald
That seems a healthy way to live your life: examining yourself and knowing you have an inner truth.
Sunday November 20th 2011"I am not what happened to me
I am what I chose to become..."
Carl Jung 1875-1961
I went to a workshop today, and was impressed by this when I heard it. All too often we find ourselves trapped in the unhappiness and bitterness of our past, which impact in turn on the here and now. If we want to make positive changes, we choose to become what we want to be.
Tuesday December 14th 2011“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”
I often think I'd like to have met and known Eleanor Roosevelt, who always seems to me to have been a wise and brave lady. At this time of year I think it's natural to refect on another year almost gone and to reevaluate our work, relationships and how we feel about life in general. Also in these difficult economic times we find ourselves dwelling on such matters as our career paths and our vocational satisfaction. We may feel trapped and unhappy yet be afraid to break out and try something different. As we end one year and begin another, I take heart from Eleanor's words. We are stronger than we believe, and having been in some very low places myself I would agree with her that however desperate circumstances may seem, there is a path forward whereby we reflect on those horrors and use them to guide us to a better place.
Saturday February 4th 2012
Tea, Coffee, Success, Failure, and People Pleasing
"I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
How often do you strive to keep everyone happy? How often do you end up feeling resentful, tired, and as if everyone's needs and desires matter apart from yours? Do you then find it difficult to voice your own needs for fear of upsetting others?
Someone said to me this week: "I don't like making a fuss - I'm not confrontational." It isn't making a fuss to stop to reflect on how much of you is given over to pleasing other people. It's all too possible to spread yourself too thinly so that nothing's left for you. Consider the "Tea or Coffee?" scenario familiar to so many of us. The usual answer? "Whatever you're having..."
Next time, if you have a preference - try expressing it. One small step towards making your needs known.
Monday 11th September 20129/11
This day got me thinking. I remember all too well what I was doing when I heard what was happening. I was in my school staffroom, marking some Year 8 essays - on "The Merchant of Venice", if I remember rightly. Most of my colleagues had gone home, but I was desperate to get the work finished. My assistant headteacher came in to tell me the news, and I remember thinking that he must be exaggerating, must have got it wrong. He left and I went on marking...I got home and watched in disbelief as the events unfolded on TV. Then I remembered my former head of department, whose daughter was employed as a translator in the building. I struggled with myself before I called him in case he had bad news. Thankfully she was fine...all because she'd stayed at home that morning to iron a different pair of work trousers at the last moment. The fact that she was running late saved her life. This had a profound effect on me. Life is too short to live an unhappy life. I left my job soon after and the process of starting my life all over again began, which eventually led me through divorce, a new career, and my counselling training. Eleven years ago I could not have imagined I'd be where I am today. The tragedy left so many families torn apart...we have one life. None of us knows how long we have to make it the best it can be.